A Definition of Christian Parenting

We, as Christian parents, must constantly be reminded of what the Lord Jesus Christ calls "good parenting." And the only way we can know the mind of Christ in regard to parenting is through the Word of Christ (the Bible). So this definition and the following brief explanation is rooted in the Scriptures. May God give us grace as parents to grow in Christ-like parenting according to the Scriptures, remembering, as John Piper says, we enter parenting feeling inadequate and leave parenting feeling guilty, but the bottom line is not our parenting, but God and His work in our children's lives.

A Definition: Christian parenting is the divine stewardship of immature sinners by more mature sinners by the grace of God through faithfulness to the revealed will of God (Word) for the glory of Jesus Christ and the eternal good of the children’s souls.

We need to keep these persectives in mind as we parent:

Stewardship or Ostrich? A sober sense of responsibility before God for the stewardship of our children that reminds us that parenting is first of all about the parents’ obedience to God and secondly, about the children’s obedience to their parents. (Stewardship parenting [Psalm 127:3; Ezekiel 16:20-21] vs Ostrich parenting [Job 39:13-18])

• Have we received our stewardship from God or are we neglecting our responsibilities like the ostrich appears to do?
  

Sober or Short Adult? A realistic assessment (from Scripture) of the condition and needs of our children and ourselves that recognizes that parenting is about the need for a Savior from sin not simply a safe environment. (sober parenting vs short adult parenting; Romans 12:3)

• Do we have a realistic view of our children according to Scripture and treat them accordingly or do we expect things that are contrary to Scripture and even treat them, not as children in need of training and growth in maturity, but as "short adults"?
  

Stronger to Weaker or Pharisaical? A humble approach to heart change in our children that recognizes that parenting is about big people in need of change helping little people in need of change. (Stronger to the Weaker parenting [Romans 15:1-2] vs Pharisaical parenting [Luke 18:9-12])

• Do we see ourselves as sinners in need of change through Christ helping our little sinners in need of change through Christ or do we condemn our children and hold them in contempt for their failure and disobedience while excusing ours?

Tender Toughness or Only Tough or Only Tender? A commitment to show grace to our children in every situation through habitual tenderness of heart toward them and habitual toughness in exercising a firm hand of commitment to love them according to what God says in His Word is the loving thing to do. (Gospel parenting by grace and truth [John 1:14; Romans 5:20] vs Toughness without Tenderness or Tenderness without Toughness parenting [Psalm 145:17])

• Do we seek to show grace to our children and maintain a constant spirit of gentleness with our children while firmly and tenaciously loving them in the hard ways that God has called us to love them or do we err on the side of being harsh or on the side of being lenient?

Spirit-filled or Swordless? A strong conviction regarding Scripture that God has ordained that His Spirit work primarily through His written Word and therefore, that our primary practical responsibility is to be diligent to help our children to understand and repeatedly apply the Scriptures (which means the gospel of Jesus Christ) to their lives in situations that arise throughout the day. (Spirit-filled parenting [Ephesians 5:18; Colossians 3:16] vs Swordless parenting [Ephesians 6:10-21])

• Are we heartily committed to using our God-given weapon in the battle for our children's souls (the prayer-filled use of the Word of God) on a daily and situation by situation basis or are we more dependent on our own words and strategies in trying to effect change in our children?

Gospel Risky or Family Centered? A pursuit of the glory of Jesus Christ in the hearts of the parents and the children through a focus and emphasis being laid upon looking to Jesus alone for the righteousness that leads to LIFE and living for Jesus through the obedience of faith in God’s promises so that the parents teach the children and model for the children and encourage in the children a vision for living for something bigger than themselves, their marriages, and their families and their careers and their comforts: the kingdom of Jesus Christ. (Progress of the Gospel [risky] parenting [Philippians 1:12-21] vs Family-centered parenting [Psalm 17:13-15])

• Do your children see in your lifestyle a commitment to something bigger than them or your spouse or your home life or your job or your hobbies or your pleasures; namely, a joyful commitment to the glory of God and the progress of the kingdom of Jesus Christ in the hearts and lives of men and women, here and around the world?

Soul-Searching or Surface? A pursuit of the satisfaction of our children’s souls in God through Jesus Christ by a continual concern for the condition of our children’s hearts toward God and our hearts toward God, seeing life as opening windows to our children’s hearts toward God and to our own hearts toward God and constantly addressing these heart issues with the gospel. (Soul-searching parenting [Hebrews 4:12; 1 Peter 1:6-7] vs Surface parenting [Matthew 15:8])

• Do you address the heart issues of your children (and in your own life) with the truths of the gospel of Jesus Christ or are you more concerned with your children's outward conformity to your rules, with an "ordered and quiet" home, and with children who don't embarass you?

Help for the Family

Our help and hope in our families comes from a God who sent His Son to die for us and leads us to lay down our lives for others in specific ways as we trust His promises to us in Jesus.

1. The power for a God-honoring family life lies in a faith rooted in the truths of the gospel.

16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. 17 For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, “The righteous shall live by faith.” (Romans 1:16-17)

2. The gospel applied leads us to the cross – a confidence in the work of Christ and a commitment to the will of God.

1 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. 2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:1-2)

3. The hope for our families is in the “death” that brings life.

7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing
power belongs to God and not to us. 8 We are afflicted in every way, but not
crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 11 For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12 So death is at work in us, but life in you. (2 Corinthians 4:7-11)